Jul 9, 2018
Binge eating and exercise became a habit for Rachel in college. Interestingly, her past never dictated an unhealthy preoccupation with food. Her upbringing didn’t point to reasons to overeat. But a slippery slope of typical college life found Rachel in a position of choosing food as a comfort. Eating enormous amounts of food in one sitting all alone, Rachel recounted that time would just stop in those moments. To counteract the eating, she exercised. The shame and secrets would become a catalyst for beating herself up. Negative self-talk became a regular part of the cycle: food restriction, exercise, calorie counting, ending a day of self-deprivation with binge eating and then shame and repentance. All these momentary efforts to control or numb negative feelings mounted on top of each other. The cycle went on for years, Rachel promised each time to make a better effort, to promise herself that she would have better control. But when it came to conquering this eating disorder, the battle could not be fought alone.